Insta Ninja
by kikiyophoenix19
Summary: Michelangelo learns a valuable lesson from an infomercial


**Insta-Ninja**

It was a typical day at the turtle's lair, because when they are not fighting and protecting the city in which they live in unknown by the topside inhabitants, they actually live normal lives. And in this normal day to day life, we find the turtles pursuing the most ordinary of activities: Leonardo reading a book, Raphael lifting weights, Donatello surfing the net, and Michelangelo doing the most mundane of all activities; watching television.

Like all normal, day to day, people, Mikey was caught in the vicious snares of the evil infomericial. As if regular commercials weren't bad enough, they had to extend it to the playing time of a regular show just to sell useless products. This is probably why they spring these dreadful things on unsuspecting watchers, the stuff is so useless it takes a good thirty minutes to tell them how useful it really is and to trick the buyer into the 'it's cheap!' sales pitch.

Bored, Mikey watched the endless barrage of infomercial after infomercial, until one of them caught his attention, _really_ caught his attention…

"_Tired of being bullied by others? Scared that a mugger will steal your purse or wallet? Or are you just plain in the mood for a good, exciting workout that will leave you not only fit, but well-protected?_

_Well then, you are ready for Insta-Ninja, a brand-new exciting workout that is taught by longtime ninja guru, Master Shaolin Long._

_In it, you will learn the secrets of how to be a perfect ninja; from warm-up katas to knowing how to take down your opponent._ _In just five short weeks, you too can become a ninja master like Shaolin Long. It's all right here in five easy how-to tapes. Ranging from beginner to expert, all this is available for just five easy payments of 10.99! But this is a limited time offer, so you must hurry to get you copy today. As an added bonus, we will give you a black belt, embroidered with a beautiful dragon, sewn by hand, and made with the finest 100 percent silk imported from China. Also, for ordering within the next five minutes, we will also add in this beautiful katana, with an ever sharp blade that will never need sharpining. All this yours for 10.99! Hurry up and buy one today…!"_

The infomercial goes on with an exciting demonstration and, of course, the ever popular 'testimonies'. The whole time Mike was watching with a kind of facinated awe.

"Wow, ninja master in just five weeks…what am I doing sitting here learning everything little by little when I can have it all in just five weeks…!"

"Don't get too caught up, Mikey, the commercial is fabricated, designed to fool the general audience." Don spoke up behind him, Mike jumped, he didn't know he had voiced his thought aloud, and he was beginning to feel ashamed for even thinking that way.

"Besides, you are better than that, Mike. All those years of training have made you better than any idiot who just learns from a tape." Leo decided to speak up then, apparently disgusted by the whole idea.

"What kind of idiot names himself 'Shaolin Long' anyway? Isn't that Chinese or somethin'?" Raph asked, jumping into the couch besides Mikey and joining in the general conversation. Mike just looked down at his hands.

"Wouldn't it be cool if we can learn everything we need to know instantly? Then, we'd be the ultimate ninjas, we'd be unstoppable, we'd never get our butt kicked again!" he told his brothers passionately. Everyone knew how much he hated to see his loved ones injured, the idea of instant knowledge was appealing.

Leo tilted his head in the fashion of an old wise man, he looked at his brother intently and closely before responding. "You know, Mikey, the people who buy those tapes aren't going to get everything we got…"

Mike looked up, "What do you mean?"

"The one-on-one training, the bond that develops between student and teacher, the chance for spirtual growth, and the time it takes to develop your best strengths over your weaknesses. You can't get all that from a tape. We're better than that."

"Yeah, not to mention all the butt-kicking we get to do! Even if it goes unnoticed by others, we still have fun doing it." Raph chimed in with a glint in his eye.

Mike sighed deeply, "Yeah, I know, but I just thought it was a cool concept, and if it worked…"

"Then everyone can be a ninja, it would make us less special, besides; ninjitsu is a dying art. We are lucky to learn such a highly skilled martial art." Don told his brother gently.

They all nodded in agreement, just then, Splinter called them all in for their nightly lessons. Which was, of course met with groans, but being the good obedient turtles they are, got up one by one into the dojo. Mikey was the last to leave, but not without taking one last look at the infomercial that was still playing. He then picked up the remote control and turned it off. His brothers were right, they were better than a bunch of measly tapes done by a badly named martial artist. But some part of still wanted to call that number anyway…

That was one wicked looking katana…

_A/N: I apologize for making you read through this pointless story...okay, it's not so pointless. It was just something that got into my head after reading a certain website. Just reminded me of how many people want the easy way out-or in rather when it comes to making a difficult task, like say, losing weight easier by buying a bunch of diet pills. Anyway, I thought this would be funny, it was meant to be a kind of cruel joke. I'm sorry if I offended anybody, or even not put everything that is in an infomercial into this story, it would bore people to death, if those things aren't boring enough already..._


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